Confessions of a perfectionist
I think I’ve known it for many years but lived in denial, and you may well have suspected it, but the fact is now undeniable: I’m a perfectionist. Recently, I was recommended a talk with this wonderful title: “Perfectly Dreadful – recognizing and overcoming perfectionism.” As I listened, I thought, “That’s me!” Given that there may be a few more perfectionists out there, or you may have suffered from those of us who are, I thought it would be worth sharing some of what I’ve learned.
Perfectionists can be, amongst other things… ‘Unsuccessful Perfectionists’, who live with a nagging sense of failure, always trying harder and never succeeding; ‘Procrastinators’, who put off starting projects out of a fear of getting them wrong; ‘Controllers’, who try and control others in order to meet their own standards of perfection, and then criticise them when they fail; ‘Tortured Decision Makers’ (my personal favourite!), who can’t make decisions in case they don’t make the right one.
What I’ve learned is that perfectionism isn’t just ‘having high standards’. It’s the sinful replacement of God’s standards with my own standards. Those standards may even look nearly the same. The crucial difference is that “there’s no atonement for failed human standards”; all I can do is try harder – or give up altogether. With God, however, although his standards are far higher than mine, there is forgiveness when I fail.