Some of us know how he might have felt
Dear Friends,
It is now two weeks since Gary Speed, the Wales football manager, was found dead, presumably having taken his own life. There have been many touching tributes from fans, players and pundits. If only he could have seen and heard the good things people are saying about him now, surely he wouldn’t have done it?
What was in his mind that weekend? We will never know for sure. Did he see himself as a failure? Did he somehow think that life was no longer worth living, that he would be better off dead than alive? Did he even think that others would be better off without him, including his wife and children? It hardly bears thinking about. He seemed to have so much to be thankful for, so much to live for.
Surely he would have been wrong to think like that? And yet some of us know how he might have felt. We may never have sunk as low, but we understand. We may know such thoughts are lies, lies from the evil one (whom Jesus called “a liar and the father of lies”, John 8:44). And yet they can seem more real than the truths we so desperately want to cling to. For anyone who’s found themselves in that pit, I would like to recommend a book called Depression: A Stubborn Darkness by Ed Welch. It’s simply brilliant, easily the best thing I’ve read on the subject – and I’d love to know what you think of it!
Chris Hobbs,
Vicar.